Novel Idea

Word count: 20,273

that's all,
me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_SKgs1JDVk

that's all,
me

My niche

This is me in my library niche. I love my niche. I am rarely disturbed, and I can hang out barefoot, and no one cares. Obviously, because no one is down here.

that's all,
me

Study Break

So, I'm looking through my journal and I came across a random thing I wrote while I was at a Bible study sometime this quarter (my life will be lived in terms of quarters for a while).

"I fight many things about You. The enigma of who You are is a beautiful wonder to me. Like the stars. And that is why you draw me. As Jason said tonight: You will not let me ignore you."

Here is another one close by it. I wrote this while I was at Ecclesia sometime:

"I think I am not a person who expects life to go as I've planned it to. I typically abide in the assurance that nothing I expect or plan will happen as I've expected or planned."

that's all,
me

Lebanon Essay Response

This was a response to one of the Lebanon Practicum essay questions:

I grew up well acquainted with Christian churches, language, and people. My faith became very comfortable in that it was about what Christ could do for me. Being a Christian was useful for the single purpose of being right, and I could take comfort when people did not accept me because I was ‘being persecuted.’ It was not until later in life, when directly confronted with the uncomfortable issues of my own pain, injustice, and love that I began to question the faith I was so comfortable preaching.

I began to notice a judgmental undertone in the way I treated others. When I was confronted with the pain of my own life events (multiple deaths in my family, fickle high school friends), I realized that everyone has pain. Each person views his/her pain uniquely. However, people also want others to look deeper than the surface appearances. In a society created to push emotions down and not acknowledge pain, people become the results of the events of their lives instead of staring at and sitting in pain and choosing what to believe about said events.

During this time in my life, I realized just how deeply the God of the Bible loves and understands fully each person’s pain, namely my own. While I was baptized as a child, I never understood the depth of what that decision meant. The summer before I entered college, I made a public decision before my church, knowing the depth of that decision. I was always in a relationship with this God. But, at that point in time, I made a commitment that was going to color the rest of my life. I knew that Christ would be with me throughout my whole life. The only constant I could ever count on. He would see everything and his love for me would never change.

This is when God broke out of the box and off the shelf I designated for him. During my undergraduate pursuit, I took many counseling/psychology classes. I was confronted with a choice. It had become time for me to make a decision about what I was going to do with the events of my life so far. I saw a counselor for a couple years and realized how the events of my life impacted and shaped me and what was healthy and unhealthy about the person I was. In allowing God’s truths to speak to me versus the messages I received growing up, with the Holy Spirit’s work, I grasped a new life. A new kind of freedom. Just because the country you live in touts the freedom it gives does not mean a person is living a truly free life. This is what Christ introduced me to.

Today, I am still confronted with what I will do amidst the circumstances of life. I have a choice everyday as to which truths I will listen to. Knowing the depth of Christ’s love and the joy of breathing truly free moments makes me stronger in choosing what is best for me. Life will not get easier simply because I adhere to a certain worldview. Life will still happen. Nothing will ever be guaranteed. But Christ, his love, his desire for my freedom, and his grace is constant.

      Living with this mindset forces me to crash into the truth that not everyone understands that this freedom is possible for everyone. I am a testament that it is a process and will always be one. I have met many different types of people in life and have come to know many variations of pain. Each person is unique to their own struggles and their own conflicting messages. But the constant is always there. I cling to this constant and I will always be handing out buddy ropes to others, attaching them to the rope I cling to, so that they might know the loving constant I do. Then they might make some decisions about their lives and cling to the constant Christ.


that's all,
me

Contented Sigh

Yeah.

that's all,
me

2 PM Beauty

I am sitting on my balcony right now. Basking in the warmth of the sun gleaming through the trees. I love these moments. My heart is so warm right now. These details are beautiful.

Amidst beautiful moments, I begin to think of the other exciting things happening in my life.

Here they are:

-I am slowly developing my novel.
-I bought my ticket to Grand Rapids yesterday (or some day).
-I might be living in Lebanon this summer, beginning to fulfill my dream of studying in other countries.
          -As a result of this, I might be able to visit a Lebanese winery, called Chateau Musar.
-In less than two weeks (refer to post "Spring breaking") I am going with some amazing people to Big Sur and Pigeon Point and maybe San Francisco.
-I am developing more the idea for a personal documentary involving my family and friends telling stories about my dad...
-I am hosting a St. Patrick's Day party (called "The Boondock-a-thon"). I love St. Patrick, anything Irish, and The Boondock Saints movies.
          -I purchased Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day yesterday!

Sometimes it just feels great to take a deep, peaceful breath and know that it is getting better. That in the midst of hard circumstances, life is still beautiful and worth living and breathing for. That in the midst of a dark pit, the light can still pierce the depth and warm the soul.

*sigh*

that's all
me