I grew up well acquainted with Christian churches, language, and people. My faith became very comfortable in that it was about what Christ could do for me. Being a Christian was useful for the single purpose of being right, and I could take comfort when people did not accept me because I was ‘being persecuted.’ It was not until later in life, when directly confronted with the uncomfortable issues of my own pain, injustice, and love that I began to question the faith I was so comfortable preaching.
I began to notice a judgmental undertone in the way I treated others. When I was confronted with the pain of my own life events (multiple deaths in my family, fickle high school friends), I realized that everyone has pain. Each person views his/her pain uniquely. However, people also want others to look deeper than the surface appearances. In a society created to push emotions down and not acknowledge pain, people become the results of the events of their lives instead of staring at and sitting in pain and choosing what to believe about said events.
During this time in my life, I realized just how deeply the God of the Bible loves and understands fully each person’s pain, namely my own. While I was baptized as a child, I never understood the depth of what that decision meant. The summer before I entered college, I made a public decision before my church, knowing the depth of that decision. I was always in a relationship with this God. But, at that point in time, I made a commitment that was going to color the rest of my life. I knew that Christ would be with me throughout my whole life. The only constant I could ever count on. He would see everything and his love for me would never change.
This is when God broke out of the box and off the shelf I designated for him. During my undergraduate pursuit, I took many counseling/psychology classes. I was confronted with a choice. It had become time for me to make a decision about what I was going to do with the events of my life so far. I saw a counselor for a couple years and realized how the events of my life impacted and shaped me and what was healthy and unhealthy about the person I was. In allowing God’s truths to speak to me versus the messages I received growing up, with the Holy Spirit’s work, I grasped a new life. A new kind of freedom. Just because the country you live in touts the freedom it gives does not mean a person is living a truly free life. This is what Christ introduced me to.
Today, I am still confronted with what I will do amidst the circumstances of life. I have a choice everyday as to which truths I will listen to. Knowing the depth of Christ’s love and the joy of breathing truly free moments makes me stronger in choosing what is best for me. Life will not get easier simply because I adhere to a certain worldview. Life will still happen. Nothing will ever be guaranteed. But Christ, his love, his desire for my freedom, and his grace is constant.
that's all,
me
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