je ne comprend pas la francais

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-umjA-ouSo

I had a french lesson. I had a great idea about taking one lesson per day, but that obviously didn't work out. It was a fun lesson, and I made a video out of it. Watch, and laugh your troubles away.

that's all,
me

Blahg

Today, a friend told me that she looked at my blog. I was shocked, but forewent the Merryl Streep humility rant. So, I decided to be inspired, and get back on the wagon (seriously hoping you're enjoying the title of this one…).

There are days when I live in defeat. It's not that I feel like I'm in a battle of sorts. But sometimes life feels like a fight, and I get out of bed knowing I lost. The first glance in the shiny wall that greets you with your own image is a tell-all. The general demeanor of the day can be determined by the ridiculousness of one's bed head. My favorite is when the face looks just so bloody awful, complete with extra pimples, dark spots, and sheet marks (just when it was safer to sleep in until 20 minutes before class).

It happens especially when I feel I've made a complete fool of myself the evening before. In conversation with someone over a beer, and I look back over everything I've said, wondering, "What in the world could this person think of me?" followed by, "Well, whatever it is, it couldn't possibly be good."

In reaction to things not going as I wish they would have - meaning, of course, that those I came into contact with the previous day have not been left with the impression that I am the best human being possibly ever - I react, mostly unconsciously. 

I live as though I have already been conquered. There is no other option: no hope of change. I will forever be this socially awkward mess of a person. I will forever be late for everything and every other dramatic statement you kick yourself in the neck, stiletto-heel style, for.

Maybe it's a hint of depression. 

Maybe it's just one of those days.

Maybe there are dark grey cumulo nimbus clouds that exist to rain on people's parades.

Or (my personal favorite) maybe it's just a funk.

Well, friend, if funk has overtaken me, it would not have manifested itself in such a suck-the-life-out-of-my-day way.

The counselor in me always wants to know why. Why do I feel this way? Surely there is some type of root, or reason, or catalyst for these feelings. Partially that's true. But the unfortunate aspect of shitty days is that they won't suddenly stop when I've finally dealt with my issues. Because more issues come.

Life doesn't stop happening. I won't stop missing my father. I won't stop being a less than perfect human being. And I won't stop having to apologize for being a less than perfect human being. 

So, today is a rant. If you live in defeat some days…take solace in the fact that you're not the only one. Don't worry about what tomorrow is going to bring, because you honestly just don't know, and why worry about that when today's been such a gem. 

Do a crazy dance to a Lady Gaga song (because if you get a glimpse of yourself doing that in the mirror, it doesn't matter what your bed head was like), watch a clip from a comedian or comedy show, or simply take a picture of your insane bed head and put it up as your facebook profile picture. Be late to your class or wherever else you were supposed to be for the sake of showing people how 'normal' you are. 

There's no guarantee that your feelings of defeat will go away, but make sure you laugh before you go out the door. At least then you'll know that you are capable of some other feeling on such a crapily begun day.

That's all,

me

Novel Idea

Word count: 20,273

that's all,
me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_SKgs1JDVk

that's all,
me

My niche

This is me in my library niche. I love my niche. I am rarely disturbed, and I can hang out barefoot, and no one cares. Obviously, because no one is down here.

that's all,
me

Study Break

So, I'm looking through my journal and I came across a random thing I wrote while I was at a Bible study sometime this quarter (my life will be lived in terms of quarters for a while).

"I fight many things about You. The enigma of who You are is a beautiful wonder to me. Like the stars. And that is why you draw me. As Jason said tonight: You will not let me ignore you."

Here is another one close by it. I wrote this while I was at Ecclesia sometime:

"I think I am not a person who expects life to go as I've planned it to. I typically abide in the assurance that nothing I expect or plan will happen as I've expected or planned."

that's all,
me

Lebanon Essay Response

This was a response to one of the Lebanon Practicum essay questions:

I grew up well acquainted with Christian churches, language, and people. My faith became very comfortable in that it was about what Christ could do for me. Being a Christian was useful for the single purpose of being right, and I could take comfort when people did not accept me because I was ‘being persecuted.’ It was not until later in life, when directly confronted with the uncomfortable issues of my own pain, injustice, and love that I began to question the faith I was so comfortable preaching.

I began to notice a judgmental undertone in the way I treated others. When I was confronted with the pain of my own life events (multiple deaths in my family, fickle high school friends), I realized that everyone has pain. Each person views his/her pain uniquely. However, people also want others to look deeper than the surface appearances. In a society created to push emotions down and not acknowledge pain, people become the results of the events of their lives instead of staring at and sitting in pain and choosing what to believe about said events.

During this time in my life, I realized just how deeply the God of the Bible loves and understands fully each person’s pain, namely my own. While I was baptized as a child, I never understood the depth of what that decision meant. The summer before I entered college, I made a public decision before my church, knowing the depth of that decision. I was always in a relationship with this God. But, at that point in time, I made a commitment that was going to color the rest of my life. I knew that Christ would be with me throughout my whole life. The only constant I could ever count on. He would see everything and his love for me would never change.

This is when God broke out of the box and off the shelf I designated for him. During my undergraduate pursuit, I took many counseling/psychology classes. I was confronted with a choice. It had become time for me to make a decision about what I was going to do with the events of my life so far. I saw a counselor for a couple years and realized how the events of my life impacted and shaped me and what was healthy and unhealthy about the person I was. In allowing God’s truths to speak to me versus the messages I received growing up, with the Holy Spirit’s work, I grasped a new life. A new kind of freedom. Just because the country you live in touts the freedom it gives does not mean a person is living a truly free life. This is what Christ introduced me to.

Today, I am still confronted with what I will do amidst the circumstances of life. I have a choice everyday as to which truths I will listen to. Knowing the depth of Christ’s love and the joy of breathing truly free moments makes me stronger in choosing what is best for me. Life will not get easier simply because I adhere to a certain worldview. Life will still happen. Nothing will ever be guaranteed. But Christ, his love, his desire for my freedom, and his grace is constant.

      Living with this mindset forces me to crash into the truth that not everyone understands that this freedom is possible for everyone. I am a testament that it is a process and will always be one. I have met many different types of people in life and have come to know many variations of pain. Each person is unique to their own struggles and their own conflicting messages. But the constant is always there. I cling to this constant and I will always be handing out buddy ropes to others, attaching them to the rope I cling to, so that they might know the loving constant I do. Then they might make some decisions about their lives and cling to the constant Christ.


that's all,
me